


Drop Dead Gorgeous

by adeleade



Category: Red White & Royal Blue - Casey McQuiston
Genre: Drag Queens, M/M, Sexual Content, Swimming Pools, Who's the bigger dumbass? Idk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-06
Updated: 2020-02-06
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:53:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22586662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/adeleade/pseuds/adeleade
Summary: Alex knows Leia as the random girl who saved him once after he collapsed drunkenly at a bus stop.Alex knows Henry as the hot boy who goes swimming at their college's pool every Monday and Friday.Leia S. Bows is Henry's drag name. Alex Clairemont-Diaz is the boy Henry has a crush on.This is love.
Relationships: Alex Claremont-Diaz/Henry Fox-Mountchristen-Windsor
Comments: 5
Kudos: 81





	Drop Dead Gorgeous

It’d been ten months since he’d first started thinking about it, but Henry still couldn’t come up with a better drag name than Leia S. Bows.

Rafael, or rather, Clair De Luna, hated it. She found it overdone, stupid and thought it sounded as if she was saying “lesbos” in a mocking, potentially offensive voice. Henry, however, had a secret suspicion that Clair was simply a Luke x Han stan with a huge grudge, and a name that was actually just as stupid.

“Danganronpa is superior to Star Wars, both in its themes and the ingenuity of its plot,” She’d explained to Henry a few nights ago when they were both impossibly drunk. “Therefore, I don’t think it’s fair to compare my drag name to yours.”

Henry had pulled out his phone. “Ms De Luna, could you repeat that, please? I’m sure people in support of your campaign would love to hear your blasphemous statements.”

Clair had then given Henry a well-deserved kick under the bar table, before ordering another round of shots to ease the pain. Henry had gotten a massive hangover the next day, and that was the end of that.

At least it would have been if Henry wasn’t so obsessive about everything.

Which was why Henry “slave to everyone’s opinion” Fox was penning a list of possible drag names at the bus stop at 2am as he returned from his latest gig.

_ Queen of England (ha) _

_ Jane Lawstudent _

_ Gabriella Andromeda Yennefer _

_ Bee Kinnie Bottom _

_ Sandra Buttocks _

_ Anita Dique _

_ Ariel Lee Needadique _

_ Justine Myhole _

_ Tay Kmenow _

“Wow, someone’s... horny.”

“Excuse me?” Henry flushed scarlet. He hadn’t realised it, but another person had sat down next to him on the bench.

“Seriously?” the stranger laughed. It was dark, and the fluorescent lighting was quite insufficient, but Henry could still see hints of a sharp jawline and tousled hair. However, all the charm those physical attributes suggested vanished with the realisation that the stranger was completely and utterly drunk.

“Are you okay? Do you need me to call an Uber?”

“Don’t… interrupt me.” Henry couldn’t help but notice the slight slur in the stranger’s voice. “I said… that you’re fucking horny!”

Henry flinched as the stranger’s voice echoed down the street. “Sir, please be mindful of the fact that we’re in a public space.”

“Why, would you like to... move to a more... private space?” The stranger closed both eyes in what seemed like a failed attempt at a wink. Then he did it again.

Henry inched away from the stranger reflexively, but the stranger just laughed, apparently amused by his own joke. Then, he fell off the bench, landing on the ground at an awkward angle.

“My goodness, are you alright?”

The stranger tried to get up, but the combination of his new injury and the alcohol was too much for him, and he simply stumbled back to the floor, his chin landing with a sickening crunch.

“Fuck,” Henry whispered. A part of him was too tired to help this pathetic man, but who was he kidding? He wasn’t going to let this stranger, drunk and rude as he might be, bleed to death at the bus stop. 

“Hold this against your wound,” he said, handing the stranger a piece of tissue paper. The stranger complied, obedient in an almost childlike manner. 

“Thanks, you’re really nice.”

“And you’re a complete mess. Now, just hold still.” Henry squatted onto the ground, before lifting the stranger into the air, bridal-carry style. The stranger looked at him with bleary eyes.

“I’m going to carry you to the hospital, got it?”

“Sure,” the stranger said. “You know, you’re really tall for a girl.”

Somewhere in the midst of all this, Henry had forgotten that he was still in drag. “Uh… sure, I guess. Thanks.”

“You’re really strong too,” the stranger beamed. Then, his body shifted, his shoulder pressing against Henry’s sumptuous breastplate.

“Oh, sorry!” The stranger exclaimed. “Not that you have anything to be ashamed of. It’s actually kind of… well…”

Henry clenched his teeth. “Just shut up before I drop you to the ground.”

The route to the hospital was short, but every step was excruciating. The stranger wasn’t even that heavy, but the way he kept staring into Henry’s eyes as if they were a straight couple on a very weird date, made Henry very uncomfortable. He knew the stranger couldn’t help it - where else was the stranger meant to stare? But Henry was tired, oh so tired, and he couldn’t be bothered to deal with any of this.

When he finally handed the stranger to the nurses on duty, Henry heaved a sigh of relief. The stranger was even more handsome in the well-lit hospital, but Henry couldn’t summon up the energy to care.

“Wait, before you go, what’s your name?” the stranger asked.

Henry gave him a condescending look. 

“Tyra Doffdiss,” he said, only more annoyed when the stranger collapsed into fits of laughter.

  
  


~...~

  
  


Every Monday and Friday, Henry got up at 6am sharp and made his way to the campus pool, where he would swim for an hour before breakfast. The water was usually rather cold, but it helped wake Henry up before the start of each day and removed any stray makeup that he could have missed. Besides, he needed to exercise if he wanted to preserve his scrumptious twink body.

Of course, there was something else he liked about swimming. Just like every person who’s ever entered a pool in their life, Henry sometimes stared at the other swimmers in less than decent ways. College boys in their tight speedos, their muscles rippling and glistening in the early light - if Henry wasn’t gay before, he certainly would be now.

Well, for better or worse, there usually weren’t that many people swimming at 6am in the morning. As a result, Henry usually only had a few other swimmers for company. They all kept their distance from one another, which suited Henry just fine. He usually wasn’t too tired to be horny, but he was most definitely too tired to be talkative.

Today, though, was different. There was someone new at the pool. It wouldn’t be so obvious if the swimmer in question wasn’t wearing the skimpiest speedo Henry had seen in his entire life - in hot pink, no less (not that Henry was complaining). Although he tried to avert his eyes, he couldn’t help but admire the newcomer’s curly hair and tanned physique as he stretched his arms up in a yawn, the curves and ridges of his body etching themselves firmly in Henry’s mind.

Then, the newcomer winked. 

Henry’s eyes widened. Then, he dove underwater, hoping that the newcomer had just blinked.

Well, that was enough perviness for one day. Henry screamed curses in his mind as he continued swimming, attempting to calm himself with the steady rhythm of breaststroke. But it was hard to distract himself when the newcomer stood at the other end of the pool, where Henry himself was headed, in the lane next to Henry’s, no less. He remained perfectly, tantalisingly still, such that Henry had to summon up all the willpower he had to avoid staring at the other boy.

When Henry resurfaced, the boy was next to him, smiling cheekily.

Henry dove back underwater with a snort, his face red with embarrassment.

To his surprise, the newcomer set off at exactly the same time, rushing to the end of the pool. Henry knew it wasn’t fair to compare his speed to that of the other boy. After all, Henry was swimming breaststroke, while the other boy was swimming freestyle. However, he couldn’t help but feel annoyed at the fact that the boy had already reached the other end long before Henry had even reached the middle of the pool. Afterwards, the newcomer had remained in place, as if waiting for Henry to finish as well.

When Henry finished his lap, he simply turned around again, loath to spend another moment beside the incredibly arrogant yet incredibly attractive boy who had washed up at the pool that morning.

To his annoyance, the newcomer started swimming at the same time, once again rushing to the other end with freestyle. Henry gritted his teeth as he continued with breaststroke, determined not to be influenced by the other boy’s behaviour, but he could feel himself kicking harder and harder, a hopeless attempt to seem less pathetic. As predicted, the newcomer made it to the end before him and had decided to stay there. His figure, once enticing, seemed purely condescending now, and Henry could feel his blood boil. For God’s sake, he’d been swimming at this pool for far longer than the newcomer had. He had no right to mock Henry like this. It simply wasn’t respectful.

When Henry finally reached the other end of the pool, he turned around and started swimming in freestyle rapidly, determined to beat the other boy at his own game. He could feel the other boy coming up from behind him, but Henry’s anger fuelled his charge. The two of them kicked faster and faster, both eager to win the match. Eventually, though, it was Henry who reached the finishing line first, gasping for breath, but proud, unbelievably happy that he’d beaten this goddamn douchebag. He decided to stay at the end of the pool, his arms crossed triumphantly, ready to see the look of disappointment on the other boy’s face.

But the other boy was just smiling, his expression impossibly radiant. Henry could hardly believe his eyes.

“Why are you smiling?” he said with a glare.

“Oh come on,” the newcomer said. “Wasn’t that fun?” 

Henry’s first instinct was to give the newcomer a resounding “no”, but as he recalled the sense of accomplishment he’d achieved by beating the other boy, he wasn’t so sure anymore. Although the realisation itself was rather vexing, the other boy no longer seemed like so much of a threat. Now that Henry really took the time to look at him, he was shorter than Henry, and his grin, brilliant as it might be, was more childish than malicious.

“Want to race again?” the newcomer asked.

“Alright,” Henry said with a sigh. “But we’re swimming breaststroke this time.”

“Sure,” the newcomer said. “I’m Alex, by the way. Let’s race each other more often.”

As Henry stared at the other boy, he felt a stir of familiarity, but also a fluttering in his heart that he couldn’t quite name.

“I’ll hold you to that.”

“It’s a promise.”

~...~

Henry wasn’t going to swim again until that Friday, but Alex seemed to have other plans. With a few persuasive texts here and there, Henry was quickly convinced to swim with Alex on Wednesday as well. After their swim, the two of them made their way to the campus cafe where Henry usually got his breakfast.

The cafe wasn’t exactly the best of places, but it wasn’t the worst either. The decor was uninspired, with a host of drawings from former students of the school and a single, wilted flower. However, the food was passable, and the place was clean, at the very least. 

As they walked in, Henry realised that his favourite waitress, Nora, was working the counter today. The two of them had struck up a friendship based on a shared love of drag race and true crime, two things that were a lot more similar than most members of the general public would have thought.

“Hi Nora, how are you?”

“Terrible, as usual,” Nora handed him a tuna sandwich, his usual order on days such as this. “Congratulations on your new boyfriend, though.”

Henry’s mouth fell open. “What?”

“Thank you,” Alex said, to Henry’s complete and utter surprise. “He’s really cute, isn’t he?”

“Adorable,” Nora confirmed. “So, how long have the two of you been together?”

“Two months.”

“Nice,” Nora flashed Alex a thumbs up as she gave him a tuna sandwich of his own. “This one’s on the house. Henry, why didn’t you ever tell me you had a boyfriend?”

“Because I don’t?”

“Don’t take it too personally, Nora, Henry’s just shy. Tsunderes, you know?” Alex said with a sly grin as he curved an arm around Henry. “Isn’t that right, honey?”

“Honey?” Henry’s head was about to explode.

“Aww, pet names,” Nora said. “Isn’t that adorable?”

As he hovered in a state of complete and utter shock, Henry found himself ushered to a table. Alex stared at him with an innocent smile, his eyes eerily loving.

“What the hell, Alex?” Henry groaned. “Why did you deceive Nora like that?”

Alex shrugged. “I don’t know, I thought it would be fun.”

“Well, maybe it’s fun for you, but it’s still lying to Nora. Do you know what we call that? Sadism!” 

“I mean, you’re not wrong,” Alex scratched his head sheepishly, which made Henry feel like slamming his head against the table. 

“Christ, Alex.”

“Oh come on, is it really that bad to be seen as my boyfriend?” Alex pouted as he cupped his head in both hands, as if he was a dainty flower that would never lie to other people just for their own amusement. Henry hated to say it, but this side of Alex was really rather… cute. “Don’t you think I’m attractive?”

“Come on, Alex, let’s be serious.”

“No, really, don’t you think I’m adowable?” 

“Alex…”

“Come on, Henry,” Alex took both of Henry’s hands in his own, laying them on his cheeks. As he felt the warmth of Alex’s face, Henry could feel his own face warming at a perilous speed. “Please?”

Henry leapt to his feet, brushing aside both of Alex’s hands. “Fine, you’re really, really bloody attractive, okay? Are you happy now?” 

The whole cafe fell silent. Every other customer was now staring at Henry, whose face had turned redder than ever before. Before him, Alex’s face was alight with mirth.

“Oh my god, Henry,” Nora exclaimed. “You really  _ are  _ a tsundere!”

~...~

It was Friday again, which was why Henry was at the bus stop, waiting for the vehicle that would take him to Rafael’s bar, where he’d undoubtedly suffer a shit-ton of verbal abuse for his name alone and another torrent for the references he’d included in his mix. It was still 8pm - barely night, really - so there were still many members of the public out and about to gawk at his harsh makeup and debatably gaudy outfits. Henry wasn’t sure which he hated more, the jeering remarks made by a group of straight boys every so often, or the undeniably nightmarish feel that characterised the early hours of the morning when the streets were desolate and it felt as if any sound could be a passing monster. 

Well, in both cases, Henry spent his time coming up with more drag names.

_ Gloria Hole _

_ Vagina Wolfe _

_ Femily Dickinson (a little too scandalous, perhaps) _

_ Carmen Benmedict  _

_ Takme Forrea Pound _

“Still writing weirdly sexual fake names, I see.”

Henry turned to see Alex behind him, a wicked grin on his face. By now, the flutter in his heart was a known and familiar annoyance, but that didn’t make it any less upsetting. Something was different about this situation though. There was a weird sense of deja vu that Henry only placed when he realised that Alex was the guy he had met on Monday who he’d carried to the hospital.

“So, why are you coming up with these weird names anyway?”

Henry’s first instinct was to tell him the truth, but he soon decided that this was probably a bad idea. Firstly, his relationship with Alex wasn’t exactly strong. What if telling him scared Alex away, or even creeped him out? The two of them hadn’t exactly discussed crossdressing extensively in the few days since they’d gotten to know each other. Secondly, and more importantly to Henry, Alex had been playing tricks on him this whole time, first by racing him at the pool and later by besmirching his reputation and convincing Nora that he was a tsundere. Which he wasn’t. It’s not like he had feelings for Alex or anything. Anyway, it was high time for revenge.

“I’m actually writing a novel with a drag queen as my main character, so I’m trying to think of names for her.”

It wasn’t a complete lie. Henry  _ was  _ writing a novel, and he did feel like the main character in the story of his life, but even a small lie such as this gave him a small high. He was fooling Alex Claremont-Diaz, who would’ve thought?

“Well, what’s it about?”

“It’s about this drag queen who… uh… falls for this other drag queen, and they… they have a one night stand! In drag! And then they fall more deeply in love, and…” Henry couldn’t help but feel defensive in front of Alex, who was barely stifling his laughter. “It’s about queer relationships and gender, okay?”

Alex grinned. “Well, maybe you should spend more time figuring out your plot and less time trying to figure out the name of your main character.”

Henry was upset. He couldn’t help it. Once again, he’d been bested by Alex, caught in his lie, whether Alex was aware of it or not. He crossed his arms, deciding to ignore Alex as he waited for the bus.

“Oh come on, don’t do that!” Alex laughed. He took Henry’s face in his hands, guiding it to face him. This was different from what had transpired in the cafe. In the darkness, the gesture seemed all the more personal, his touch not simply comforting but also intimate. Alex was beautiful, so beautiful, a mess of brown curls and locks that Henry ached to muss with his hands. 

“You know,” Alex whispered, “you remind me of someone I’ve had a crush on for quite a long time.”

His tone had changed. It was a lot more serious, with faint signs of emotion. His face was so close, Alex could see his lips trembling, his bright eyes dewy with emotion.

“How so?”

“The way you speak is so distinctive. Your accent, your manner of speaking, it all makes you seem so refined, but so soothing at the same time. The way you furrow your eyebrows when you’re upset, like some kind of scruffy professor, is one of the most adorable things I’ve ever seen. The way-” Alex cut himself off with a sigh. “As you can see, I’m really, really infatuated with… him.”

Alex’s voice cracked on the last word. It was a little odd, seeing someone who was usually so confident break down so completely.

Henry didn’t know what came over him, but he leaned over and grazed Alex’s lips with a kiss. It wasn’t glamorous - Henry tasted his own lipstick, and Alex’s mouth was rather dry. But it was also oddly passionate. Henry felt a fiery grit in his chest as Alex kissed back, their lips pressed fiercely together as if never to be taken apart.

And then Henry pulled back, and so did Alex.

“Sorry, I just thought it seemed as if you needed a kiss,” Henry said. “Also, I’m kind of a dude.”

“I know,” Alex answered, plain and simple, his expression oddly wistful.

“Well, if the boy of your dreams doesn’t like you back, he’s an idiot, okay?” Henry gave Alex an awkward thumbs up. Alex just laughed.

“Oh, trust me, he  _ is _ an idiot. It’s part of why I like him so much.”

  
  


~...~

  
  


Alex could just be one of the most persuasive people that Henry had ever met. After Wednesday, Alex managed to convince Henry to go swimming with him every single day. It was almost scary, the way Henry bent to his will so easily. After a while, he had no choice to admit that it wasn’t just that Alex was particularly persuasive, he was also particularly weak towards Alex.

Walking to the bathroom after their swim was always awkward, though. It always pained Henry to avert his eyes when Alex emerged from the pool, dripping wet, and it was even more difficult to avoid staring at Alex as they spoke to one another while heading to the toilets. Today was no exception. As he watched Alex heading into the bathroom first, Henry allowed himself a moment of filth as he observed the broadness of Alex’s shoulders and the definition of his muscular back.

However, all lustful thoughts vanished as soon as he spotted the spider on the bathroom floor.

“Spider!” Henry shrieked, instantly clinging to Alex. It was a large one too, black and hairy. The stuff of nightmares.

“Oh,” Alex grinned. “You’re scared of spiders?”

It was at that moment that Henry spotted another spider. This one was only a few steps away from them. Henry immediately leapt onto Alex, wrapping his legs around the other boy, who could barely stand with Henry weighing him down.

“Holy shit, Henry, calm down!” 

“But there’s a spider at your feet! And there’s another one on the wall, and…” Henry could feel his voice getting more and more hysterical. “It’s an infestation!”

Alex laughed. “Calm down. Even  _ your  _ cuteness has limits, you know.” 

Before Henry could process what he’d just said, Alex had shifted Henry’s position in his arms, such that he was holding Henry in a bridal carry pose. There was an oddly humorous edge to the way their roles had reversed from the day they’d first met. There was, however, nothing humorous about the  _ thing  _ Henry could feel poking against his ass.

“Is that… what the actual  _ fuck,  _ Alex?”

“What am I supposed to do?” Alex exclaimed. “You’re an attractive man who pressed your body against mine-”

“This is basically sexual harass-”

“You’re the one who started humping me the moment you saw a spider!” 

Henry’s eyes widened. “I was  _ not  _ “humping” you. I would never do such an indecent-”

And then, a spider leapt onto Henry. 

Immediately, Henry started flailing wildly, thrashing in Alex’s arms as the other boy tried to calm him down. In the fray, Henry’s legs brushed against something, pulling it down, and at the end of it, Henry noticed that the thing that had been pressing against him was now far more… fleshy than it had been before.

Alex took a deep breath. “Don’t you dare look down at it.”

“There’s nothing to be ashamed of, it’s really quite… um…” The awkwardness of the situation combined with the complex blend of embarrassment and anger painted on Alex’s face was enough to shut Henry up. “Sorry.”

“Henry, I’m going to set you down outside the toilet, where you can wait until I kill all the spiders. Until then, don’t come in, and please don’t stare at my dick, okay?”

Henry swallowed. “Okay.”

“Good,” Alex sighed. Then, true to his word, he exited the bathroom and practically dropped Henry at the exit.

A part of Henry was still a little fearful, but soon, the reality of what had just happened took hold. The two of them had had their bare chests pressed against one another. Henry had even felt Alex’s dick brush against him. Everything seemed so surreal, so much that it almost seemed laughable. But no matter how laughable it was, the thought of it still created a certain stiffening between Henry’s thighs.

  
  


~...~

  
  


The bar was rowdier than Henry had ever seen it, but all he could think about was Alex.

Alex’s calloused hands and messy hair, his pink lips and wide grin. The tan lines on his skin that hinted at glasses he never seemed to wear. The way his whole face moved when he frowned, when he sighed, when he laughed. The way his body moved when he was excited, as if always ready to leap into the air, the way the muscles in his arms shifted as he gestured. 

Henry didn’t just love Alex for his appearance, or even for his personality. The things he truly loved about Alex sere his mannerisms, his habits, every minute detail about him that Henry longed to familiarise himself with. He was someone Henry wanted to know, someone Henry could watch for hours, mesmerised by even the barest movements, the vaguest lick of hair.

Pity there was someone Alex already had a crush on

Pity Henry had gotten said information because Alex didn’t just know him as his local British friend, but also his local crossdresser.

Pity Henry had already had his first kiss with Alex, and the other guy didn’t even know it.

But it was one of the busiest nights of the month, so in the words of Clair De Luna, Henry had better get his head into the game and start being a fucking drag queen.

Beginner’s Night had always been quite the event at the Lunar Bar. Loads of baby queens and other RuPaul’s Drag Race fans trailed to the bar for a chance to prove that they, too, could perform better than all those bitches they saw on TV. Well, it wasn’t for Henry to judge. That was how he’d gotten his start too, lipsyncing to Rihanna’s  _ Umbrella  _ after taking far too many shots. Henry didn’t remember much from that night, but he remembered the lights, the joy of it all, and waking up with ten bucks more than he’d thought he’d have. It was all the push he needed to become a fully-fledged drag queen.

It was for that same reason that Beginner’s Night had always been special to Henry. Clair always said that it was an opportunity to find the bar’s  _ next _ big star, and the fact that he said “next” always sent a jolt of warmth within Henry. It reminded him of why he’d started doing drag in the first place. 

Today’s performances, however, seemed rather dry. As per usual, the beginners came up one by one, some of them jittering, others charged with alcohol. Unfortunately, most of them didn’t even know the words to the songs they were performing. Five anxious gays had gone full panic attack on stage already. One dude was using drag as a way to propose to his girlfriend, but he tripped over the train of his dress, tearing it and sending him crashing to the floor, which, unfortunately, reminded Henry of Alex. Well, hopefully, the man’s wounds would heal in time for the wedding photos.

There was one final performer left, but most people had already went home, tired of watching newbies flop on the floor in dresses they found at H&M. Only the judges had been forced to stay - Clair, Henry (Leia), and one of Henry’s drag sisters, Kesha Money. There were also a few stragglers who’d been left behind in the audience. Together, they make a... passable audience. No matter - with their luck, the next newbie was going to suck too.

And do you know what else Henry wanted to suck? Alex’s big fat-

“Next, up, a texan cowgirl after our own heart!” Clair said, somehow energetic after all the disasters she’d witnessed that evening. “Give it up for Hannah Rover!”

It took a few seconds for Henry to get the pun, but what was apparent from the beginning was the grit of the name, the way the alliteration rolled in his mouth. 

Then, Henry heard the sound of gunshots from the speakers, and he knew he was in for a ride.

It was a good mix - somehow balancing Tchaikovsky’s famous cannons with Cotton Eye Joe of all things. The performer was wearing denim on denim on denim on denim, from a denim cowboy hat to jacket, pants, and even a scarf hanging around her neck. The exposed parts of her body were hairy, artificially so. Combined with her impossibly feminine face, it was the very essence of genderfuck. 

And it was entertaining genderfuck too. The performer could do the splits, which was almost a given at this point, but she was also able to do backbends, voguing and what Henry could only describe as a weird farmer dance. She twirled her hat on her index finger expertly, and there was something about her cocky grin that seemed so weird, but so familiar at the same time.

Then, she tore off her jacket, and Henry could see her artificial body hair and drawn-on abs. But he could also see her breastplate, her crop top and the impressive curve of her ass. It was disgusting. It was arousing. It was the first thing today that managed to distract Henry from thoughts of Alex.

When the performance ended, the result was obvious - Hannah Rover was the winner of Beginner’s Night. In the heat of the moment, Henry decided to do something very reckless.

“Hey, Hannah,” he said, a little breathless. He was going to get his needs fulfilled, one way or another. “Want to have sex?”

Hannah’s eyes widened, and her face flushed. “I mean, if we’re both gay men, sure.”

Henry almost wanted to laugh. He was in drag, Hannah was in drag. They were two people with long hair, make-up and, well, breasts. He was wearing fishnets. Hannah was wearing a ring on every finger. Both of them were wearing heels. If anything, they looked like a pair of lesbians.

“Sure,” he said. “Should we go to the toilet?”

The sex was weird, so weird. In those moments, Henry felt like Leia, Leia with a dick, but Leia all the same. The two of them were surprisingly tender, caressing each other’s chests, though neither of them could feel it. Hannah’s eyes were so feminine, but her jawline was impossibly masculine. Leia kissed both, burrowing deeper into the other girl’s embrace. 

When Hannah went down on her, Leia removed her nails to grab Hannah’s crotch. Leia moaned as Hannah’s tongue wrapped around her, pulling gently on one of the other queen’s braids, She ran her hands down Hannah’s muscular arms and back, which somehow seem familiar in the early hours of the morning. When Leia was almost finished, Hannah climbed back to her feet. Then, Leia kissed her, trailing bright red lipstick on her lips, her neck, and the very tip of her penis, eliciting soft gasps that drove the other girl crazy.

Then, Leia pulled Hannah to her feet, and suddenly, the two of them were pressed together, practically scissoring, their crotches rubbing against each other, Their curls fell together in a heap, entwined, and Leia had never felt so close to anyone before, so close that every part of them was entangled, as if never to be separated again. Hannah smelled of passionfruit, of straw and lemongrass, and Leia couldn’t stop herself from kissing every part of her long neck, trailing her hands down the curves of Hannah’s thighs. She was beautiful, so beautiful, and Leia couldn’t get enough of her.

And then, the two of them climaxed, and Henry was just Henry, lying on top of another boy whose name he didn’t know. Their wigs had fallen off long ago. It was only when Henry picked his wig up that he realised exactly why Hannah was so familiar. The curls that sprouted from her head were a dark chestnut that Henry would recognise anywhere.

“Alex?” he asked softly.

“Hi, Henry,” Alex said, his face a little flushed. 

The two of them stared at each other in silence. Henry knew he should be panicked, or at least surprised, but all he could feel was a strange sense of calm, and an insignificant yet nagging observation that Alex looked incredible like this, even in the horrible bathroom lighting, even in a damn breastplate.

“When did you know?” Henry asked.

“I knew from the very start,” Alex laughed. “Seriously, everything I said at the bus stop was true. I've liked you for a really long time. This was my way of trying to get close to you. I even enlisted Nora’s help.”

Henry’s eyes widened. “That was arranged by you?”

“What can I say?” Alex sighed. “I’m a master campaigner. At least I got some kisses out of this, although I never expected that I’d fall into a predicament quite like this…”

He stood up and started putting on his clothing, fixing his wig to his head.

“Wait, where are you going?”

“Leaving, of course. You probably don’t want to see me for a while, especially after-”

“But I haven’t told you I like you back yet.”

Alex froze. Then, he turned around. “You’re kidding.”

“No.”

And the two men dressed like women kissed one another deeply, their hands intertwined.

  
  


~...~

  
  


The pool was calm and deep and cool against Henry’s skin. He loved watching the bubbles float to the surface as he moved, the way the waves rippled outwards. 

From the other end of the pool, Alex drew closer. Henry smiled, and Alex smiled back.

They grasped each others’ hands. For a few moments, they circled around the same spot, the filtered sunlight shining from above.

Then, they released each other, moving to complete the lap, ready to circle around and meet each other once more.

**Author's Note:**

> It's not often that I write something that makes me go "wtf", but honestly, this whole fic makes me go.... O_o
> 
> I wanted to create a very queer romance. Bc of like yaoi and stuff I've often felt a bit fetishised by people who ship men together, so I felt a need to try to appeal to gays like myself by putting in faux lesbian sex of all things. 
> 
> Well, for better or for worse, this was produced. And... I don't know what to make of it.
> 
> So here it is. Posted for you. I hope you like it more than I do!
> 
> Also: Yes, I know Clair De Lune is by Debussy, and yes, Henry's "Umbrella" debut is inspired by a tweet that Casey herself retweeted.
> 
> Thanks for reading!


End file.
